Osho : Question : I FEEL I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO YOU, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANT TO RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS I CAN....
Question :
BELOVED OSHO,
I FEEL I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO YOU, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANT TO
RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS I CAN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FEAR,
SINCE I AM NOT AWARE OF A FEELING LIKE THIS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE.
It is natural, it is not something exceptional. Whenever you have a feeling to be closer to
a man like me the fear will come, because to be close to me means to be dead, to be close
to me means losing yourself. It is the same fear that grips a river when it comes to the
ocean -- the banks will be lost, the river will be lost -- and every river tries to go back.
But there is no way.
If you feel a deep urge to come closer to me there is no way now to escape. You may try
but you will be a failure; others have tried, others will go on trying. If you have a deep
urge to come closer to me, you will have to come. You can only delay it; by escaping,
struggling, you can delay it. You can postpone it, that's all, because the deep urge iscoming from your very being. Fear is only in the mind. The urge is coming from the
deepest core of your being, to be closer. But fear comes in the mind because the closeness
means death.
To be close to a master is death, your ego will have to go. The ego thinks, starts thinking,
"I must escape before something happens; before I am lost, I must escape." The ego will
continuously tell you to escape. The ego will find rationalizations; it will find faults in me
just to help you escape; it will convince you in every way that this is the wrong man.
Love is deathlike, and no love is as deathlike as loving a master.
If you love a woman, you can dominate her. That's why lovers go on playing politics with
each other, dominating, possessing; the fear is there that if you don't dominate you will
be lost and the other will dominate, so they continuously fight. Husbands and wives,
lovers, go on fighting; the fight is for existence, to survive. The fear is there, "I may be
lost in the other."
But when you come to a master you cannot dominate him, you cannot fight with him. So
fear is deeper because of that, because you cannot create any politics. Either you have to
escape or merge, no other alternative is there. If you escape, from your very deep source
of being you hear you are doing wrong; if you escape you will have to come back. If you
come closer, the mind says: Where are you going? If you go closer still you may be
burned. And it is right, the ego is right: The flame is there and if you come closer you
will be burned. Conflict will be created; inner tension, anguish will be created. You can
delay, that's all, sooner or later you will have to merge; no river can escape the ocean.
Once you have come closer you have come, and there is no way to go back. No way
exists for going back.
You are here. You have traveled long; not only in physical space but also in the inner
space you have traveled long. Many, many lives you have been traveling towards this
point; you have desired it and now when the point has come nearer you become afraid.
The fear is natural. Understand it, don't let it overpower you. Take a jump, and that jump
will not only be a death it will be a rebirth. But you cannot know that. Only death, you
see only death; the beyond that is hidden behind the death you cannot see. I can see it; I
know you will be reborn.
But nobody can be reborn unless he dies; so death is not the goal and death is not the end,
it is just a beginning. When you are ready to die you are ready to be reborn; the old will
disappear and the absolutely new will come in its place. That new is struggling from the
very core of your being; the old is struggling from the mind because the mind has
memory -- the old, the past. The past and future are struggling within you. That is the
problem.
Now it depends on you. If you are being overpowered by the past then you will delay,
postpone, and you can delay it for many lives.
This is not the first time you have delayed; many times you have missed before. Many
times you have come across a Buddha, a Mahavira, a Jesus and you escaped. You tried to
avoid, you closed your eyes. Again and again you have been playing that game. But the
game is natural to you I say, because you can see only death. The river can only see that
she will dissolve, she cannot see that she will become the ocean. How can she see? That
oceanic existence will be only when the river is no more, so the river cannot see. When
your ego is no more, only then will you know who you are.
Osho
A Bird on the Wing
Chapter #4
Chapter title: Have a Cup of Tea.
13 June 1974 am in Buddha Hall
BELOVED OSHO,
I FEEL I WANT TO BE CLOSE TO YOU, BUT AT THE SAME TIME I WANT TO
RUN AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS I CAN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FEAR,
SINCE I AM NOT AWARE OF A FEELING LIKE THIS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE.
It is natural, it is not something exceptional. Whenever you have a feeling to be closer to
a man like me the fear will come, because to be close to me means to be dead, to be close
to me means losing yourself. It is the same fear that grips a river when it comes to the
ocean -- the banks will be lost, the river will be lost -- and every river tries to go back.
But there is no way.
If you feel a deep urge to come closer to me there is no way now to escape. You may try
but you will be a failure; others have tried, others will go on trying. If you have a deep
urge to come closer to me, you will have to come. You can only delay it; by escaping,
struggling, you can delay it. You can postpone it, that's all, because the deep urge iscoming from your very being. Fear is only in the mind. The urge is coming from the
deepest core of your being, to be closer. But fear comes in the mind because the closeness
means death.
To be close to a master is death, your ego will have to go. The ego thinks, starts thinking,
"I must escape before something happens; before I am lost, I must escape." The ego will
continuously tell you to escape. The ego will find rationalizations; it will find faults in me
just to help you escape; it will convince you in every way that this is the wrong man.
Love is deathlike, and no love is as deathlike as loving a master.
If you love a woman, you can dominate her. That's why lovers go on playing politics with
each other, dominating, possessing; the fear is there that if you don't dominate you will
be lost and the other will dominate, so they continuously fight. Husbands and wives,
lovers, go on fighting; the fight is for existence, to survive. The fear is there, "I may be
lost in the other."
But when you come to a master you cannot dominate him, you cannot fight with him. So
fear is deeper because of that, because you cannot create any politics. Either you have to
escape or merge, no other alternative is there. If you escape, from your very deep source
of being you hear you are doing wrong; if you escape you will have to come back. If you
come closer, the mind says: Where are you going? If you go closer still you may be
burned. And it is right, the ego is right: The flame is there and if you come closer you
will be burned. Conflict will be created; inner tension, anguish will be created. You can
delay, that's all, sooner or later you will have to merge; no river can escape the ocean.
Once you have come closer you have come, and there is no way to go back. No way
exists for going back.
You are here. You have traveled long; not only in physical space but also in the inner
space you have traveled long. Many, many lives you have been traveling towards this
point; you have desired it and now when the point has come nearer you become afraid.
The fear is natural. Understand it, don't let it overpower you. Take a jump, and that jump
will not only be a death it will be a rebirth. But you cannot know that. Only death, you
see only death; the beyond that is hidden behind the death you cannot see. I can see it; I
know you will be reborn.
But nobody can be reborn unless he dies; so death is not the goal and death is not the end,
it is just a beginning. When you are ready to die you are ready to be reborn; the old will
disappear and the absolutely new will come in its place. That new is struggling from the
very core of your being; the old is struggling from the mind because the mind has
memory -- the old, the past. The past and future are struggling within you. That is the
problem.
Now it depends on you. If you are being overpowered by the past then you will delay,
postpone, and you can delay it for many lives.
This is not the first time you have delayed; many times you have missed before. Many
times you have come across a Buddha, a Mahavira, a Jesus and you escaped. You tried to
avoid, you closed your eyes. Again and again you have been playing that game. But the
game is natural to you I say, because you can see only death. The river can only see that
she will dissolve, she cannot see that she will become the ocean. How can she see? That
oceanic existence will be only when the river is no more, so the river cannot see. When
your ego is no more, only then will you know who you are.
Osho
A Bird on the Wing
Chapter #4
Chapter title: Have a Cup of Tea.
13 June 1974 am in Buddha Hall
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